Mariah Carey "E=MC2"

These days, all conversations regarding Mariah Carey can basically be broken down into two subjects: her looks (or, perhaps more specifically, her choice in attire) and her breakdown/eventual comeback blah blah blah. While the success of the 5X Platinum "Emancipation of Mimi" (2005) was certainly an inspiring tale, especially for longtime fans, people keep referring to the event as if it were an anomaly so unfathomable that it must be the only thing worth talking about when Carey's name arises. That or, in a big slap in the face to actual career relevance, the songbird's array of revealing outfits. At 38, I say she's more than earned the right to dress however she wants and saying something like "she's too old" or, worse, something thoroughly misogynistic, such as "she's a whore," does nothing but empower useless, harmful social stereotypes. What's more, Carey seems more confident and comfortable with herself than ever, so why shouldn't she celebrate her body? In fact, the singer's renewed sense of self continues to inform her music, and her strut on "E=MC2", her ninth studio disc, is equal to or greater than that displayed on immediate predecessor "Mimi" and she easily carries you through even the rockiest moments.

Now, much has been made of this new mathematic title, with "witty" blogsters making references to the obvious differences between her and Einstein, but anyone should be able to figure out that Mariah's own formula breaks down thusly: Emancipation=Mariah Carey to the second power. As in, she's even stronger after being freed from the restrictions of both bad press and her own personal demons. It's kind of clever, if you think about it. Ballsy, too, that she would name a record full of crossover radio jams and lovesick ballads after something as famously brainy as Einstein's key work. Yet this post-"exhaustion" MC is a ballsy gal in general...so it's too bad that the producers neuter that strength and wind up turning the new album into something so safe it verges on dull.

Thankfully, we do open with the strongest tracks on the record: Migrate and first single Touch My Body. The former finds the venerable songstress rubbing shoulders with the Short Circuit of modern R&B, the always electronic-sounding T-Pain, who I swear at some point in his life swallowed a vocoder and now forces all collaboraters to at least partially use one, including the girl in question. She fares better than most, however, as her distinct voice could never be gurgled into something unrecognizable. As well, le Pain infuses the song with a killer beat and showy, catchy synths that help glue the hook to your brain. And while Body, on first listen, may have sounded like a dreary retread of hits past, repeated listens have revealed the beauty of both the twinkling beat (by Tricky, a big fan of deceptive simplicity) and the more complex-than-it-seems melody. In addition, Carey's performance is relaxed, sexy and, above all, agreeably playful (see the charming video, featuring 30 Rock's Jack McBrayer, for further evidence of this).

The next handful of songs are less memorable but almost as entertaining and are probably the most likely to be chosen as future singles. Side Effects, featuring Young Jeezy, is notably bangin' while I Stay in Love and Love Story are pleasant, serviceable ballads that sadly (yes, sadly) lack the five-octave histrionics of yore, settling for mid-range prettiness. In fact, none of the slow jams (including the one just sent to radio, Bye Bye) come close to even her last big weeper, We Belong Together. Produced mostly by...sigh...Jermaine Dupri ("yeeeeeahhh...uh huh"), they feel generally unimaginative and bland, though Carey does what she can with them. Plus, who knows? They may prove to be growers over time, especially once heard over the airwaves or in a big-budget video. But for now -- and in light of all that she's done before -- they disappoint.

While the first half of "E=MC2" is quite good, something funny happens when we hit track eight: Mariah temporarily transforms into a Vietnamese hooker. On I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time, she repeats the titular phrase so many times it quickly goes from unintentionally funny to teeth-gratingly annoying -- and the ucky throwback vibe of the music doesn't help anything. And then presto, almost everything following that travesty becomes boring, as if it were signalling the end of even trying to make a great CD. We get more ballads that blend together; O.O.C., a second song (following the more tolerable Cruise Control) that finds Carey trying on a fake, silly accent, this time Hispanic (it was Jamaican for Cruise); and, worst of all, a Bible-themed piano tinkler called I Wish You Well -- a sequel in spirit and execution to "Mimi"'s Fly Like a Bird -- that sounds too much like Carole King's A Natural Woman for this reviewer's comfort.

At its best, Mariah's first post-comeback effort recalls her 90s glory days; at its worst, it's just another pop-R&B hybrid that any upstart divette could have made. Fortunately, the good outweighs the bad and this very specifically titled equation is certain to keep Carey at the top of the charts for the next few months. It's just a shame that, with all her brass and divine diva powers, she ended up delivering something that, impressive vocal abilities aside, fits in so squarely with everything else...which may ultimately mean that the only thing label heads want to see after "=" is "$". However, I can certainly respect everyone involved with the MC machine for wanting to keep it a continued success. After all, if her career were to go off the rails yet again, she'd be doomed to living out her life nowhere but in the fashion pages of gossip rags, with her clothes becoming all anyone has to talk about -- and nobody wants that.
B-



Download: Migrate, Touch My Body, Side Effects
Avoid: I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time, O.O.C., I Wish You Well